Why Are We Not At CPAC?

Holy shit. This shindig looks like the greatest clusterfuck of all time.

Conservatives Republicans well-connected affluent kid touchers are holding their annual meet and greet, and, honey, did it deliver.

Besides Grover Norquist's Future-Douchebags-Of-'Murica Rainbow Party 2009™, Mittens showed up and used his plus one invite to bring along his ego/shattered ambitions:



Bobby Jindal a young Republican padawan named Jonathan Krohn showed up to talk about Conservatism for the few moments leading up to his GOP hazing, which included the use of chloroform and a giant rubber fist:



Subway Dude was there and got in a few shots at Chris Matthews (easy target) and MSNBC:

First it started with the news media (enemy number one in the conservative crowd), including his cable news competitor, MSNBC, and its host Chris Matthews

"Other news outlets have gotten religion recently," said the now-Fox News host. There is the "Oh God channel", he added, "after Chris Matthews finally realized that there was a God and called him out before Bobby Jindal's speech."

Later he went on to call Matthews station "MSBS." The rest of the media wasn't spared. Nor were members of Congress and the administration. Huckabee called Newsweek Magazine, "ObamaWeek," for its favorable covers and coverage of the president, referred to Obama's treasury secretary as "Turbo Tax Geithner," for his failure to pay portions of his income tax. Reflecting later on his long-held belief that the IRS should be abolished, Huckabee concluded that, if it came true: "We would no longer have a tax cheat running the IRS."

Also, Tucker Carlson was booed and a bunch of "Family Values" voters want to get in on the hot gay sex action.

brickbat is considering actually registering with it's first political party just to attend CPAC 2010. It would sooooooooooooooooo be worth it.

Young Republicans Gather For Drunken Night Of Sodomy

Famed hipster Grover Norquist organized a sock hop at a D.C. pub for young conservatives, presumably as a ruse to set up a hot night of hookups for his more senior pals.

The wild bacchanal included Dave Matthews music, FOX News on the teevees, and $5 drinks named after some old shitty actor who invented crack and AIDS:

It's early February, and the happy hour at the Union Pub on Capitol Hill is jammed with an unlikely slice of young Washington strivers: conservatives, libertarians, free-market/small-government types, anyone right of center. People, in other words, in their 20s or early 30s who actually groan at the label Generation Obama.

Organized by an employee at the Grover Norquist-led Americans for Tax Reform, the party in the pub's back barroom seems naturally suited for this group: Fox News is playing alongside the Dave Matthews tracks. One drink special, $5 for a down-on-the-heels set, seems almost too perfect a nostalgic prop: "The Gipper," concocted with bourbon.


WaPo interviewed various GOP twinks and they had interesting things to say. Take this from Spencer Barrs, in "intern":

"My best friend called and asked who I voted for and I told him I wasn't voting for Obama," Barrs says. "And then he told me, 'I just think you hate black people.' It was a shot to the gut. You feel like you're surrounded on all corners."

His friend John O'Keefe, 23, another conservative think-tank intern who might be out of a job after his internship ends in May, dismisses his liberal contemporaries. "The only thing they have are blogs. They feel like gods of our generation," he says, before ruminating on a very Washington cure-all. "I'm hoping that people get [angry] at Obama and start forming political action committees."


The best byte comes from Dustin Siggins, whom WaPo pretty much outs as a flaming mo:

At the Union Pub, Dustin Siggins, 24, says he sometimes uses humor to deflect the awkwardness of being on the margins of his generation. "I met a girl today at the gym from Boston College. She was getting a law degree from George Washington. She was cute," he says. "But she wants to work for the ACLU, and I said, 'Oh, you're one of those.' "

Later, in a phone interview, Siggins says he struggles with some of his party's more culturally orthodox ideals. "Because I am in this generation and was raised in a pro-gay-marriage era, I am only a little bit against gay marriage, but only a little, like 53 percent to 47," he says. "I have about a dozen gay friends, 30 or 20, and they would all back me up. In college, I used to have lunch with them. . . . We went ice skating once."

via WaPo